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The 1977 JCPenney Catalog

Have you ever stopped and thought about the clothes you're wearing? Have you ever thought to yourself, "Man, these clothes are so outdated?" Of course not. We're all too busy to do that. And, it wouldn't make much sense to think our clothes are outdated. However, it's still hard for me to imagine the people in the following pictures didn't have some idea of how bad their clothes were:

I'm not sure why, but these people have to be Swedish.




















It's Bert and Ernie in their stretch terry coordinates!




















Face it Buck, there's just no way to be a real cowboy when you're sporting that weird man-bib.




















Is that a blouse or a gameboard?




















This cowboy's a bit of a close talker. And what sinister device is she hiding behind her back?




















He looks like a little banana. And has it ever occured to you that a landscaping business is the perfect front for an operation?




















Pull them britches up son!




















Not only do we dress alike, but she's also my sister!




















The early days of the Ambiguously Gay Duo--The Minty Fresh Years




















These two are free-spirited and they're better than you. You can tell because their clothes match.




















Don't look now, but there is a giant man dressed in plaid standing right behind you.




















This has sex offender written all over it.




















Dear Penthouse Forum...

The Adventures of Steamboat Willie and Master Marvel

After helping him bring down Germany's Nazi Regime, Captain Marvel promised Steamboat Willie the finest chicken and watermelon in town.

Superman: A True American Hero

Evidently, Superman likes to carry bags full of money around with him just to remind us "mortals" who's really in charge. You'd think with all that extra money, he'd be able to afford a better costume.

Indian Safety Posters

A few months ago I had to attend a CPR/First Aid Class for my job at a group home. It was pretty boring. And even though I had never been certified in either CPR or first aid, I already knew the basic information. I'm not sure what good it's going to do now that I am certified. I mean the chances of me actually putting my mouth on a stranger's crusty, snotty face are slim to nil. Anyway, I did get some pretty good tips for putting together a trauma kit for the house and for my car. But I still can't get over how boring those three hours were. Maybe if they taught us the things they're teaching in India, I wouldn't have been nodding off so much:

Warning: Stay away from balconies. Giant babies playing with kites often attack without warning.




No playing cricket in the house!




Perhaps the most disturbing part about this poster is the fact they had to make one warning against the dangers of slipping on banana peels. I mean, is it that big of a problem?




Here's a good poster showing how to set your bride on fire when her family refuses to pay an additional dowry. For water accidents, pick up the victim and carry them around like a rag doll until the water leaks out.




Waving to truckers will only get you run over. And never kick your sister in front of moving vehicles.




I guess you can't help blind people cross the street in India.




Watch out for giant kids falling off roofs. And apparently India follows the Death Race 2000 philosophy when it comes to pedestrians and traffic, as this bus driver runs down an innocent child flying kites with his friends




Singing along with your favorite song is prohibited in certain countries. We are a spoiled country indeed.




Do not live in shaky house! It might crumble to the ground while you're in the bath.




Sharpening your pencil is a gateway activity. It always ends up going in your nose. It's a scientific fact. So just stay away from pencil sharpeners. And what do Indian people have against yellow shirts. Here a group of kids pushed their "friend" in front of a moving car. Later they all went to the park to fly kites and were mowed down my Kadesh, the veteran bus driver.




People must be slipping left and right over in India. Maybe their streets are made of banana peels. And I don't even want to know what is being dumped on those kids' heads.




Sneezing during lunch just shows how ignorant you really are.




Forget about CPR, just sprinkle water about the victim's face. Then pull out your trusty fan and let them have it. It works nearly half the time.

The Best Christmas Compilations Ever!

This is something I wanted to do last Christmas, but because I wasn't able to obtain the songs I wanted, I had to wait an entire year to reveal my top Christmas songs compilations. Now, I'm not claiming these are the best Christmas songs to ever be recorded. For one, I don't even really like Christmas music--you can only listen to them one time out of the whole year, and most of them are cheesier than a bag of Cheetos. Heck, it could even be argued that some of these aren't Christmas songs at all. But I'll be damned if the songs I've included here don't get you in the holiday spirit. So sit back, relax, and start chugging that egg nog buster!


Non-Definitive Christmas, Vol. 1
1- Linus and Lucy; Vince Guaraldi Trio
2- White Christmas; Bing Crosby
3- Mele Kalikimaka; Bing Crosby
4- Do You Hear What I Hear; Bing Crosby
5- Baby It's Cold Outside; Johnny Mercer/Margaret Whiting
6- Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy; Bing Crosby/David Bowie
7- Christmas (Baby Please Come Home); Darlene Love
8- It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year; Andy Williams
9- Silver Bells; Bing Crosby
10- Jingle Bell Rock; Bobby Helms
11- Sleigh Ride; Ella Fitzgerald
12- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas; Judy Garland
13- Skating; Vince Guaraldi Trio
14- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer; Gene Autry
15- What Child is This; Vince Guaraldi Trio
16- Oh Holy Night; The Drifters
17- Hark, the Herald Angels Sing; Nat King Cole

Non-Definitive Christmas, Vol. 2
1- Silent Night; Ella Fitzgerald
2- The First Noel; Ella Fitzgerald
3- Santa Baby; Eartha Kitt
4- Winter Wonderland; Tony Bennett
5- Frosty the Snowman; Gene Autry
6- Christmas Time Is Here; Vince Guaraldi Trio
7- Home for the Holidays; Perry Como
8- It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas; Johnny Mathis
9- The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas to You); Nat King Cole
10- Christmas Time Is Here (Instrumental); Vince Guaraldi Trio
11- Away in a Manger; Ella Fitzgerald
12- There's No Christmas Like a Home Christmas; Perry Como
13- Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow; Dean Martin
14- Holly Jolly Christmas; Burl Ives
15- Blue Christmas; Elvis Presley
16- Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree; Brenda Lee
17- Jingle Bells; Frank Sinatra
18- I'll be Home for Christmas; Bing Crosby

10 Best Adult Swim Christmas Moments

The past few weeks I've been working hard trying to find the best Christmas clips and specials to post for your viewing enjoyment. I've watched a lot of videos that have brought back a lot of memories, some more painful than others. And while I still enjoy the classics like A Charlie Brown Christmas, I've noticed something missing: blood and violence. I spent several years working in retail and the Christmas season always confirmed a couple of things: First, people are naturally prone to violence, and will find any and every reason to start a fight. And second, I wouldn't have minded a bit to see a little blood during the Christmas rush. But, maybe I'm just insane. But maybe I'm also a genius. Either way, when every other Christmas special is preaching peace, love, and understanding, Adult Swim has given everyone like me an opportunity to quench our thirst for yuletide blood. So, if you enjoy blood and laughter, head over to Adult Swim now to view their 10 Best Adult Swim Christmas moments.